her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm like, not good at living.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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