It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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