The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
