In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
