got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
