im six kinds of drunk right now
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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