So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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