She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
