if i can run in heels then i can drive
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am midnight drunk by noon
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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