i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
