Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dick very happy bro
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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