Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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