Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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