You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
