Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
