also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
