I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
