He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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