Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
