i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
