we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
