Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
