why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
