you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
