i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
