I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
