i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize