You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
