as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
