that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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