So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
