I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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