I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
