I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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