It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
