I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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