My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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