He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
