I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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