Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
