Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
