She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize