Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
