Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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