how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
