Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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