i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
