oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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