I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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