i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
