he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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