Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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