i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
