Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
