im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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