If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
