The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
how do you play pong handcuffed?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
