I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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