my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
