he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
