Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you didnt know i had herpes?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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