dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize