a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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