your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
