I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize