Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It was confusing and full of hummus
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
