Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
