I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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