this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
