I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
