I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you will always have a special place in my vag
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
