The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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