Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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