I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
