come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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