I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
