This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
